“How do I Change?” by Vicky Lee
After 20, 30, 40 years of being you—- it might seem impossible to change. If you’re like most people, you don’t change. You just become more of who you already are. You usually don’t jump species and go from Hugh Heffner to Nicholas Cage in the Family Man, overnight.
But let’s say you have to change, because you’re dying or you want to die. Your way of life is over. You have no choice. You can’t go on the way that you have been. In order to change, you just have to die to who you were and literally, be reborn as who you are now.
Life is just like love. The only love worth living for is the one worth dying for. When you love someone, you’re willing die to your lust. You stop chasing other women and you start committing to the one who you love. If it’s true love, you let your lust die. You willingly allow this death to happen. That’s called maturity.
True life requires you to die… to your old way of life. If you want to truly live, you have to be willing to allow some parts of you to truly die. Living requires constant dying. That’s called regeneration, renewal, youth.
When you date, that’s a period of figuring out what you’re willing to die to. If I’m willing to die to my trendy bachelorette lifestyle, then I’m willing to commit to raising a traditional family.
Commitment requires you to die to something old, in order to live for something new. If you’re willing to die, you’re willing to commit!
I have a lot of people who say, “I want to find the man or woman of my dreams… but I’m not willing to lose weight, make more money or change the way that I dress. I want someone to love and accept me for the way that I am.” I’m going to tell you something. You’re not willing to commit. When you commit to something, you’re willing to change.
When you’re willing to change, you’re willing to love. When you’re willing to love, you’re willing to live. You can’t truly live, until you change. Change is the only thing that makes life… LIFE. Life is change. The seasons change. The day changes into night. The cells of our bodies change every day. The whole universe moves forward through this constant cycle of death and rebirth. That’s called eternal life or eternal youth.
Christ said, “Look mother, I make all things new.” He didn’t say, “I make all things old and dead.” In order to keep everything alive in the universe, everything has to die and be reborn every day or every week or every month or every year. But everything has to regenerate and be renewed…. so that it doesn’t go on decaying forever and ever. Including… your life! Your life was designed to be consistently and constantly renewed.
If you don’t allow some parts of your life to die, you will carry around this dead weight, this old emotional baggage that keeps you from fully living. And you will be living a half-life, you will be half dead. But if you allow yourself to die, you will become fully alive.
Here’s how to do it. Download the worksheet!
Step 1: Name the new life that you want.
- true love
- losing weight
- success
Normally, we would date our new life by committing to it, first. Because when you commit to something, you practice the action steps that cause you achieve your goal.
- I am committing to finding true love.
- I am committing to losing weight.
- I am committing to success.
But we’re just going to skip the whole dating phase and go right to the altar. So here’s Step 2: Put a ring on it! Say, “I am married to… my new life.”
- I am married to true love.
- I am married to losing weight.
- I am married to success.
Marrying something binds you to it. Your soul is now locked into the karmic path of the soul of what you desire. And the only way to separate the two of you is to get a divorce! Once you’re married to something, even if you don’t feel like it, your heart is not in it… too late! You’re married to it! You’re stuck.
So Step 3, you have no choice. You have to die. So you are going to die to your old life in order to live your new life. Say, “I am dead to what is killing my new life.”
- I am dead to what kills true love.
- I am dead to what kills losing weight.
- I am dead to what kills success.
What is killing your new life?
What kills true love?
- Guilt from my past abusive relationships
What kills losing weight?
- beer and video games (i.e. candy-eating marathon)
What kills success?
- Wasting time
Step 4, if you were to die to your old life, what would you put in its place? Replace your old life with your new life. Say, “I am living for what regenerates my new life.”
- I am living for forgiveness of all my past relationships.
- I am living for Crossfit and Paleo diet.
- I am living for a structured weekly schedule
Here is your homework: You are going to create a NEW lifestyle to regenerate and renew your new life. So name your old life. Give it a name. Name your new life. Give it a name. Then, write down the type of lifestyle you are going to let die with your old life. Write down the type of lifestyle you are going to start living to begin your new life.
