Do you know someone who is IMPOSSIBLE and difficult to deal with? They throw adult temper tantrums and blame you for everything? I call these people “emotional pit bulls.” They bully you until you are in a pit!!!
Therapists say to use, “Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!” and “Make clear agreements.” That doesn’t work with pit bulls! You… cannot… communicate… with… a…. pit… bull. They don’t respond to therapists, how the hell are they going to respond to you? It doesn’t work! There’s only one way to deal with a pit bull and that’s what I’m going to show you in this video.
Whenever someone is blaming you, they are dispelling and discharging their pain onto you. The jollier you are and go about your merry way… the more da stink eye come out and they want to hypnotize you back into feeling their pain.
Finally, they will rage, yell, attack, insult or blame…. an extreme version is to play the victim and fall ill right there on the spot to get your FULL attention…. ANYTHING to get you to STOP focusing on your joy and START focusing on their pain.
They want their pain to be the center of your life, 24/7. There are many words for this: passive/aggressive, bully, narcissist, codependent, love addict, etc… But basically, they don’t want you to have a life because your life is distracting you from focusing on their pain.
Furthermore, they don’t really want to resolve their pain because that pain is their lotto ticket. It gets them food, shelter, money, love, attention, a handicap parking pass… all sorts of things that they don’t have to pay for or work hard for.
These people make a living on pity and bullying. They are the emotional pit-bulls of the world. They bully you until you are in a pit!
So if you take away their pain… you are literally taking away their livelihood. They have no other way of making a living or surviving, except through their pain.
So what are you going to do, if you have to deal with a pitbull in your life? It’s your boss, your family member or your parent?
Think of it this way: Pain = their job.
You don’t have to like someone’s job. They do this job 24/7. Here they come with their load of pain. Imagine a gardener sprinkling a sack of fertilizer on the lawn. Let’s say you are allergic to the toxic chemicals in the fertilizer. You don’t shun the gardener. But you can’t get too close to him because you’ll get a rash.
So what do you do? You’re polite! “Hey, Steve! Nice to see you again! Okay, I see you’ve got that big sack of fertilizer on your shoulder, so I’ll just let you sprinkle it on the lawn. I won’t bother you! Have a great day!”
Tactic #1: Deflect!
Ok? You want to use the iron spear hand in kung fu. You acknowledge and you deflect. You point out that they’re not doing so well or in a grumpy mood… and then you leave them alone until they get rid of their sack of fertilizer. They have to put down the pain in order to approach you.
“You look like you’re limping and about to have a heart attack, so why don’t we catch up another time?” You’re not abandoning them! You’re just letting them know it’s not a good time cuz they’re obviously on their way to the E.R..
They’ll protest and say, “No no, I’m fine.” You reply, “You look horrible. It really isn’t a good time. Let’s catch up when you’re feeling better.” You have to let them know that their pain is a barrier, not an invitation.
Tactic #2: Poison
A lot of pitbulls know this strategy, so they mask their pain in a series of questions. For example, “This soup is delicious! How did you make it? That sure is a nice car. What kind of mileage do you get?” They’re always trying to engage you in a positive way, so as to entrap you to hand over whatever it is they envy.
Remember the principle! Let them know that their pain is a barrier, not an invitation.
What if she keeps asking you STUPID questions like this? You hate it!!! It’s like she’s saying, “Give me! Give me! Gimme!!!!”
You want to say, “No no no no!!!”
Do not engage. Once you engage, you’re screwed. The point is to NOT engage at all. Especially, upon first initiation. “I won’t engage until you get rid of your pain
Tactic #3: Barbed Hook
Now I’m going to show you the barbed hook tactic: Use this when the emotional pit bull relentlessly asks you stupid questions. Think of questions like hooks. They are trying to put a hook into your lip and once that hook is in… they reel you in! Don’t let them put the hook in! Remember the tip! Zip it! Don’t answer any of her questions.
“I don’t know what I put in the soup. Tell you what, next time I make it, I’ll give you a call… and then you buy me the ingredients and I’ll show you how to make it. That way you’ll always know how to make it.”
“I’m not sure what kind of mileage. Tell you what, next time I drive it, I’ll let you fill my gas tank up and we can measure what the mileage is, together.”
Don’t ask: “Is that okay?” After you make this offer. Never ask for permission from a pit bull. Just tell them your final decision.
Tactic #4: Burning Coal
Next, I will show you the Burning coal tactic
Use this when emotional pitbulls compliment you excessively .
Her admiration is really just envy. It’s not a compliment. It’s thievery. She’s trying to steal. The more she compliments, the more she’s trying to induce guilt within you to give it to her.
“Oh… what I nice computer. I wish I had one of these for my very own. That is the prettiest shirt I’ve ever seen. I need to get me one of those. No one ever buys me a shirt like that ever. You sure are lucky to get expensive gifts like that.”
Think of her compliments like heaping coals. Don’t let her shovel that stuff on top of your head! When you accept a compliment, it’s like accepting a burning coal in your eyeball.
This is how you respond! Shovel it back to them!
“Lucky! No way, no how. It’s not worth what I have to go through to get a shirt like that. I’d rather pay for it myself.”
“This computer is a piece of s–t. I’m updating the software every 10 seconds and it keeps crashing on me.”
If they offer to take it off your hands for you, to relieve you of your burden, you say, “Hell no. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. You’re a friend. I’d never do that to you.”
Am I coaching you to lie? No. I’m coaching you to not get SCAMMED by your own family and friends. If you want to preserve a positive and congenial relationship with emotional pitbulls, you have to not let them bite you and infect you with rabies. Then, you will have a normal relationship pic with even a dysfunctional employer, boss, superior or someone who you can’t afford to piss off right at this very moment. But once you’re infected with their rabies, you lose the relationship completely. So if you wanna have a rabies infected friend… please wear protection.
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