The power to heal within me, was born from my willingness to destroy.
My name is Olivia Vicky Chia-lin Lee. I am a messenger and a writer. In 2006, I attended a vision quest taught by a Native Indian shaman named Wolf Moondance. I traveled from my island where I was living and working as a taro farmer for a family of old Hawaiians. Momma Wolf renamed me, Standing Wolf.
In my vision, I saw that my anger was a purifying force in both my body and my culture— whom I consider the Hawaiian people. I was asked to tame this anger into the white flame of compassion. As I allowed it to pass through me, I felt my flesh and bone split in half. At the time, I was lying barely clothed on the grass from sunset to sunrise. Underneath the full moon, I went into hypothermic convulsions, spitting, choking and seizuring. I ordered my vision quest guides to leave me, alone. For several hours, I let this flame pass into me. I heard a deep thunderous roar. It was coming from me. The “power” of who I thought I was, the volcanic ash, lava and sweat of my womanhood burned before my eyes.
I saw that my power was not power. It is compassion. I saw that God was both the mother and the father within me. That my soul was her child. That my soul, was peace.
I was born as “rain on dry wood.” This is the meaning of my Chinese name. I have spent most of my life paying “penance” for my rage. I slaved away in businesses where I gave away more than I earned. I worked hard labor jobs to “beat” the anger out of me. I was willing to die, in order to preserve my pain. Instead of release it and be free.
In my vision, I realized that the fire of the old woman I was— was changing like the earth. The new woman I was to become is a garden of lush new growth. And the power to heal within me, was born from my willingness to destroy.
My rain is my gift. But it tames my own fire and rage. And it brings forth new joy: spiritual growth which ushers in a new world: one of peace. I give to you, my greatest. Take it and become something even greater.
