My client had the worst year of her life. Gratefully, she is allowing me to share her story. She said, “This past year has knocked me off balance. I had to go to Arizona to take care of his dementia. His wife left him. Got him to Florida. Broke his hip. 5 lawyers. I had to move. Bf break up. Cat is close to death. I can’t get back the focus that I had at one point. Floundering. Huge list of “to do” and I can barely get through a day. Overwhelmed and feeling like giving up.”
Step 1: I asked her to name the year. Naming something gives you power over it. She called it, “The Year of Wickedness.”
Step 2: Ask yourself, “Why did my soul choose this?”
When she brainstormed, she came up with this list:
- I chose to take the position of control
- I needed a break from this man I was living with
- Pay backs for my mom
- This woman stepped into my dad’s life when my mother had cancer. I’m doing this for my mom.
- My dad is very funny, great sense of humor.
- Sister is a total control freak.
- I don’t like to be treated poorly and I don’t like to play the victim.
She continued, “Driving across the country, I started to take in…. all the responsibility, my dad’s phone calls (attacks), my sister and I basically made the decision that I was going to be the one to help and quit my job, leave the guy and help my dad.”
Her “aha” moment was that her “Year of Wickedness” began, “The moment I allow myself to be treated poorly or play the victim, I open the door for something else to rule my life… and it isn’t me. This behavior right here is the seed of wickedness. And I lose control over creating my life as I want it.”
This is her mantra,”I cannot be treated poorly. I am not willing to play the victim.”
Once she said her mantra, she had a “shadow aha” moment or a revelation about the dark side of her life lesson. She said, “Control is a demon. I need to do what I need to do to distance myself from the emotional and spiritual crime committed against me. From being treated poorly and being someone’s victim.”
Her shadow “aha” moment went on:
- Their drug of choice is control. I have to take their drug away. I can’t let them control me.
- For a while, I could decline. But weekends… I became a victim.
- The small steps to stand up for myself …. are going to make the biggest difference. Consistently, constantly, continually TAKE THOSE SMALL STEPS, every day.
She concluded, “I have only 2 options: To move further and further into the year of wickedness or I move further and further away from it.”
