Are you perfect in almost any area you put your mind to?
- athletics
- music
- business
- family
- cooking
- friends
Except…. you just can’t have love.
You’ve taken all the seminars, been to life coaches, therapists, counselors, retreats, you’ve read all the books, listened to all the CD’s, taken the online courses and everyone including the experts have mapped it out for you:
- you’re a narcissist who attract codependents
- you’re a love avoidant who attracts love addicts
- you’re a giver who attracts takers
- you’re a savior who attract seekers
- you’re a vampire who attracts victims
You’ve studied all the behavioral patterns and psychological wounds that cause you to NEVER HAVE REAL LOVE IN YOUR LIFE? So you know every problem that causes you to not have love and every solution to solve it… but you still don’t have love.
You’re probably a CEO, an attorney who does acquisitions and mergers, a hedge fund manager, an excellent Law of Attraction student who has practiced your whole life to be a success. But in this one area of your life…. love, you are a failure.
And what you want is to hire someone or take a class or watch a video that shows you one more shiny skill that you haven’t learned yet, that would nab you what you want!
- lover
- life partner
- boyfriend
- girlfriend
- companion
- soul mate
- twin flame
I want you to look at what you’re doing. You’re treating love like a sport that you can win. Or a chess game that you strategize. Or a numbers game where you beat the odds. You’re trying to be PERFECT at love (just like you are in every other area of your life) by mastering skills that you are labeling as “love” assets (looks, money, job, status) or “love” tools (communication, listening, being supportive) or “love” journeys (commitment, making time, giving attention).
Love is not a game of perfection. It’s the opposite. Love is learning how to fail! (And you suck at failing.)
Perfection is power. Power is how you build a company, raise kids, train to be an athlete or practice being a musician.
Falling and letting yourself fail is love. Love is how you create intimacy, surrender to your weaknesses, open up to the divine and trust the unknown.
Power is the package, the outward manifestation and expression of being capable and able. It’s what you bring to the table.
Love is the tender rose, its spiritual, the innocent and vulnerable state of being when you’ve put down your sword. You give up everything that makes you capable and able. You are completely new at this part of life, a total virgin. It’s what you leave behind when you walk away from that table and what you’re willing to give up for….. the chance to co-create magic with someone who’s also willing to give up her power…. for the sake of having this once-in-a-lifetime experience with you. True love.
There. I said it. I know why you’re sitting there doubting and tired of figuring it out and sick of learning new tricks. You’re saying, “Hey this isn’t going to work. I’ve invested thousands of dollars in matchmakers, dating services, relationship coaches…. and it’s all the same stuff with some new innovations, blah blah blah…”
I know why you’ve been there, done that and tried everything under the sun to get love. You’re literally trying to prove… that no matter what you do…. you can’t have love. Why are you putting in all this effort to show yourself and everyone around you… that you’re so perfect and try everything perfectly, but you’re not meant to have love?
Because… here’s your secret… that you’re hiding from everyone….. deep down inside….. you believe…. that no one’s really going to love you…. for you. (Imperfect people find love, not you. Why? Because you’re too perfect.)
Am I right? I know…. that you’ve given up on real love and you’re settling for someone less. Or you’re distracting yourself by having fun because everyone else but you… can have love. (You think you’re a love veteran or master and I’m telling you that you’re a love civilian, a novice!)
And I’m telling you, that everyone you’ve ever dated or married was in love with:
- your power
- your package
- what you bring to the table
- and your relationship skills
None of that is you. None of that is love. That’s power, the opposite of love. And that’s why none of it has worked. (You’re scared to fail! That means… You’re too scared to have true love!)
Because you’re treating love like a sport that you can conquer or win. And love is not a game. It’s a garden. And you don’t commit, when it comes to love. Power takes commitment in order to guarantee a predictable result. (You’re also scared to get true love, because you’re afraid to look like a failure in front of everyone who knows you and that’s what love is! Love is an exercise in failing.)
Love takes openness. You open to love, you don’t commit to it. Love is a willingness to be open…. to whatever flower ends up sprouting in that garden bed of yours. And to trust, that if someone’s garden turn out to be weeds… that you can love them enough to pull out those weeds and to tend to their flowers… so that…. your flowers in your garden bed, will also bloom. Rumi said, “How did the rose ever open up her heart and give to the world…. all of her beauty?”
Babe, you fall in love. You don’t climb it. And if you don’t know how to fall because you’re not a failure in any area of your life—- you’re a climber and a success…. then you don’t know how to have love. You’re too perfect for love to grow…. inside your bed of fertile soil. When we coach together, we will not help you to find love. We will help you create it.
