I have many successful clients who are the package deal— on a scale of 1-10 they’re between a 7 and a 10. But they can’t meet anyone who is in their league to date or marry. Do you say, “I’m dating, I’m putting myself out there, but I can’t seem to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right?” So what’s going on? Why are you not meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right? Because you either meet someone you are very attracted to, but aren’t financially, socially or otherwise compatible with. Or you meet someone who is statistically perfect for you, but you’re not attracted to.
You can have both, but not at the same time. If you do have it at the same time, usually it gets messy very fast and ends in divorce or years of therapy. Even when everything is perfect… like Gabriella Reece and Laird Hamilton, the picture-perfect couple. With everything, there are layers to this question. So I’m just gonna scratch the surface with you, today.
The very first question I want to ask you is, “What do you want?” Because maybe you’re meeting a bunch of people who you “could” marry— friends, colleagues, etc.— but you’re not necessarily attracted to them. Or maybe you’re really attracted to the guy who works at Starbucks, but you’re an attorney and you can’t see yourself having children and building a life with that person.
So here are your 2 major options: What do you want? Do you want to fall in love or do you want a life partner? Those are 2 completely different and separate paths.
- Falling in Love
- Compatibility.
Falling in love is instant chemistry! When you see that person, you’re like— “Oh yeah, that’s my type!”
- You’re attracted to each other (attraction)
- that person makes you feel excited (passion)
- sexual chemistry
Compatibility is: that person has the right stats. They are the “right” income level, location, age and ready for commitment. You both share the same
- lifestyle (both athletes or you’re both into self-improvement)
- live close by
- income levels
Which one do you want? I want you to write it down on a piece of paper. Falling in love is like starting with a glass of HOT water. In time, it cools off. Because who you have chemistry with, is someone who mirrors your karma or your deep inner wound. For example, if you are a a sweet damsel in distress you fall in love with a strong rescuer. If you are a hard-core realist, you fall in love with dreamer. If you are a good girl you fall in love with a bad boy. (Whitney and bobby brown) Opposites attract.
Compatibility is like starting with a glass of cold water. Gradually, it warms up. That’s like being best friends for 10 years and on the 11th year you fall in love. Because who you have compatibility with, is someone who you have a lot in common with. You both are successful executives who compete in triathlons. You both want kids. You both love traveling. You can build a life with this person, because you’re the SAME.
Before you choose an option… If you want to fall in love, here is what is going to happen to your romance from start to finish…..
- fall in love, feelings
- hot water cooling off, fast
- intense chemistry
- infatuation
- karma (attracted to someone who touches that deep part of you that needs to be healed)
- Soul grows (you heal from that wound)
- Chemistry ends
If you want compatibility, here is what is going to happen to your romance from start to finish….
- meet someone who you think, you can partner with in life
- cold water, warming up , slowly
- alignment
- physical: lifestyle
- emotional: share the same feelings (about things)
- mental: have the same goals (want kids, live in NY)
- Spiritual: share the same dreams
What are you willing to commit to?
For example, our compatibility is:
- 50%
- 60%
- 10%
- 40%
Whatever you’re willing to commit to…. you have to up those percentages with “work.” You work on the relationship together. That is what I call warming up the cold water, until it’s hot hot hot and then you have this amazing physical, emotional, mental, spiritual chemistry that lasts a lifetime.
